To The Men Who Try, And The Women Who Endure

Men who discover they are disconnected and take up the road to connection are uniquely courageous. They know at the start that God is calling them to enter a bitterly uncomfortable and extremely difficult undertaking. Ok, some of them don’t know it’s going to be this tough, but they soon find out!  If we were to recruit men with an honest but challenging ad it might read like this,

“Men wanted for brutal expedition into uncharted lands, bitter internal discovery certain, tremendous pain likely, sympathy unlikely, lifetime commitment required. End reward surpasses all riches previously known for man and family.”

Men willing to sign up will find this ad to be true. Every part of it. That’s why it takes a courageous man to even consider the road. And it’s why a man has difficulty making the decision and once made, staying the course.

If this were an ad for an expedition of some sort to discover hidden treasure the man would reasonably expect to be traveling with a team. A team that would hopefully be filled with experts, seasoned guides, and great equipment. Having those things would help bolster the confidence of a man who had some reservations about the trip.

If that were only true for the journey out of disconnection and into connection. Much like some of the destinations expeditions of the past have undertaken, there are few that know the path, or know the land of disconnection even exists (or that connection can be reached). There are few guides and even fewer experts. It why I continue to reach out, preach and speak about this subject. Do you think you’re disconnected? Or more, maybe you’re reading this and thinking of your own disconnected man. Read more about my book, The Disconnected Man: Break Down Walls and Restoring Intimacy with Him for more guidance, tips and healing.

This is why we encourage men and the women who love them to exercise supernatural patience with the journey. You, men, will encounter hardships you never dreamed of. You will be tempted to shortcut the path and try to find the ‘three easy steps’ to connection. There are no such steps. The self-discovery necessary is a death in itself. The realization that your life has caused such great pain in those you love is another death. There are traps and stumbles and persistent pains all along the way.  Enough to make any disconnected man fearful.

Women as well will need to pray for supernatural patience. You’ve already suffered, maybe for decades, before your man discovered his disconnection. Your temptation will be to say, ‘he made his bed, let him lie in it.’ But this is the time when he needs you more than any other time in his life, even though you feel spent. That’s why only the patience of God, which He will freely grant you, will carry you through this time.

If we were to place an ad to recruit women it might read like this,

“Women wanted to sacrifice beyond belief, endure the stumbling and stuttering of an emotionally illiterate man, and feel old pains over again. Little thanks. Much difficulty. End reward surpasses all riches previously known for woman and family.”

The patience required to help a disconnected man asks a woman to go above and beyond. Women are capable of incredible emotional endurance – this presses you to go far beyond your natural ability. You are the closest thing to an expert he has. You can be an amazing guide. You and the Holy Spirit can lead this man out of his emotionally barren existence and into the unknown territories of connection and intimacy he has previously never experienced.

We need men and women who are willing to answer these ads, brave the journey, and come out on the other side to help the multitudes who are yet to undertake it, but desperately need to begin. We need team members to help others. If God has you on this journey, please remember there will be others that need your help. When you come to a place where you are healthy enough to help others, please contact us. We would love to have your help!

2 Comments on “To The Men Who Try, And The Women Who Endure”

  1. Jim,

    Thanks for sharing this post. Tim & I were both grateful that we didn’t read it before we started our journey. Not sure we would have answered those ads. Now that our adventure has begun we would be first in line.

    We especially appreciate your counsel on patience. Not in our nature. But we now know this will be a life long process. Tim & I refer to it as our “adventure”.

    We thank God for you and your vulnerability. We know how busy you must be, and are so blessed for your reaching out to us.

    1. So true – we always run a risk when we tell the truth about the challenges. So thankful that you have found the help you need and have started your adventure toward connection – what a joy!! We will be praying for you!!

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