Are You Afraid to Offend Your Disconnected Spouse?

Today I want to say a few things about taking offense. And this goes back to a conversation I had with one my closest male friends several years ago. It’s the story that inspired  The Disconnected Man book. You see, we were having coffee and he looked at me and said, “Jim, I feel like you could get up from this table, walk out that door, move on with your life and never miss me or really contact me again.”

Would You Be Offended?

Most people, if your closest friend said that to you, would be offended. The thing about The Disconnected Man is he tries really hard. A disconnected friend, husband, family member, is probably a nice guy. They always try to do the right thing, they provide for their family, they spend time with the people they love, they usually have a great work ethic.

How It Sounds In A Marriage

Imagine giving everything and trying your hardest to do it all and then being told it really means nothing. It hurts. But in that moment, I was not offended. My heart was in the perfect space to accept that word and when he said it, I felt God convicting me. I knew he was right, and the torn leftovers of past (and current) relationships were the proof.

On the other side of this, I want you to imagine your wife. Or maybe, you are the wife. You don’t need to imagine that. But when you were dating, you got to know her, made yourself emotionally available to the best of your ability and ultimately married her with a promise. A promise for more, a promise to be one flesh. And she’s still waiting for that more. Still waiting to feel connected as one unit.

Most people would take offense to that. If not offense, probably at the bare minimum it has wounded them.  And as a spouse to a disconnected person, it’s incredibly difficult to talk to them about it because all they hear is the offense.

Pray For Grace

It can be hard to hear the truth. It can be hard to say the truth, especially if you’re worried about hurting someone you love. The only thing that can prepare a person for the truth like that is His Grace and a divine intervention. I just wanted to touch on this topic today to let you know I have seen both sides of this situation and if you’re feeling hurt, alone or offended – I’ve been there too! Having insight into the other side of the Disconnected Man can help you identify that hurt.  Start forging a path to healing and truly connecting with him.

Being at odds with your loved ones, and other Christians can be very difficult. Especially with the holidays coming up, there are bound to be a lot of personalities and differing opinions at the dinner table. If you want a few tips on how to manage the holiday season this year with peace – join my newsletter and receive the eBook FREE.

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