timing relationship conflict

Timing Isn’t Everything But… A Few Hints For Approaching Your Man

Conflict in relationships happen everyday! You find yourself unhappy about something,  you see something new or have finally put your finger on just what is causing the issue. Suddenly your emotions start to run high.You want so desperately to communicate your new discovery to him and encourage him to walk with you in it. But you’ve had conversations like this before that didn’t go well, so you are afraid. Here’s how good timing can help you. 

What do you do? 

I’m going to list several touch-points about timing below for you to check yourself against. Apply those that fit your situation. I list them by way of reminder. Allow them to guide your thinking before you take action. They are not listed in order of importance and are not exhaustive. It’s just me thinking out loud with some ideas I hope will help you. 

Before You Approach Him

  • Don’t say anything until you are calm and can remain calm – regardless of his response.
  • Remember that your passion may not be contagious. He will need time to process your thoughts well after the conversation. 
  • Write down exactly what it is you are feeling or have discovered. If you blurt out everything you’ve been thinking for the past months or years he will get lost in details or overwhelmed! Use your words on paper to make your thoughts more concise. You want to keep it clear and as short as possible.
  • Ask as many people to pray for you as you can as long as they will keep it confidential.
  • Pray for him and for yourself.
  • Double check your emotions and your needs. Then double check everything you can think of, including your double checking. Make sure you are confident, loving, and encouraging.

Timing Does Matter!

Having your thoughts FULLY formed and together really help the conversation go smoother. But remember that your significant other has not had time to think about these things! Make sure you are both comfortable. Rest, food, and good atmosphere are important to consider when thinking about the timing of your conversation.

Let him know that you’d like to have a conversation about your relationship, or something you need, or whatever topic title you think will not alarm him – and ask him when he’d like to talk. (This will help him prepare and not feel like he’s been ambushed)

During The Conversation

  • If you need to explain before making your point – tell him. Let him know you have some background to cover or a story to tell before you get to your point. And tell him how long it will take. (He will appreciate knowing – trust me)
  • Let him know at the start if you need him to do anything – either now or in the future. If you just want him to think about it, tell him. If you need him to take action, be specific about it.
  • Make your point clear.
  • Don’t assume he will know what to do. You need to spell it out for him. And don’t be disappointed about having to do so – men don’t often get it. Assuming he should will only disappoint you and discourage him. 
  • Say every positive thing you can think to say to him. Reject negative statements as much as possible. Find ways to wrap things that will challenge him in language that will encourage him.

That’s all for now. I hope these reminders have sparked some thinking that helps you.